Have you ever scrolled through TikTok, watching video after video of makeup tutorials blended with dating advice?
Talia Fiester, a recent graduate from Princeton, noticed this trend too, and she wrote her honors thesis about it.
Fiester analyzed 51 of these videos, focusing on the Gen Z dating scene and how it’s affected by current social and economic trends.
Her advisor, Professor Sarah Banet-Weiser, highlighted how Fiester’s work fits into the broader context of current cultural shifts.
These include the popularity of hookup culture, the evolution of online dating, and the impact of the pandemic, all mixed in with the “self-entrepreneurship” culture of always trying to present yourself in the best light.
However, despite all the efforts to self-optimize, happiness doesn’t seem to be increasing.
In fact, despite the abundance of dating apps, satisfaction in finding a relationship appears to be declining.
Fiester’s thesis, “Neoliberal Love and the Pathology of Gen Z’s Singledom,” unveiled four main themes in these TikTok videos: feeling pain and loneliness, experiencing hopelessness, a strong focus on self-improvement, and the importance of community.
The idea of hyperindividualism is crucial in understanding these themes. It refers to the dating strategy aimed mainly at young women, which encourages them to constantly improve themselves to become more appealing in the dating scene.
It’s all about “working on yourself.”
This trend was especially noticeable during the pandemic when many felt the need to use their extra time to better themselves in various ways, whether learning a new language or starting to bake sourdough.
This self-improvement sometimes went beyond skills, leading women to evaluate their fashion and makeup choices and sometimes ending in a frenzy of post-lockdown dating.
According to Fiester, Gen Z views dating and relationships more as exchanges of ‘capital.’ They look for partners who match them in socioeconomic status, education, and career goals.
But beyond that, there’s a desire to find someone who can help them ‘level up.’ In this situation, women can often find themselves ‘shelved,’ kept as an option but not a priority, leading to situations where labels and commitments are absent.
Fiester also delves into the concept of heteropessimism, a term coined by doctoral candidate Asa Seresin. It’s a feeling of despair or disappointment in heterosexual experiences, often expressed with regret or jokes about wishing to be attracted to the same gender due to difficulties in dating men.
While these comments are often shared in a humorous context, they reflect a real frustration and lack of optimism about the future of dating.
This despondency seems to have become more common due to the current socio-economic situation and a sense that there’s a lot of pressure to have your life figured out. Experimentation and risk-taking are discouraged, creating a tense environment for dating.
Fiester’s work has been praised for shining a light on a commonly experienced but often overlooked aspect of Gen Z life.
Her research into the effects of messages spread online, specifically the concept of heteropessimism, offers an essential perspective on how Gen Z is experiencing dating and relationships.
Despite the challenges and frustrations expressed in the TikTok videos, Fiester found a silver lining. The platform’s comment sections have become places for women to find solace and solidarity, creating communities where they can share and validate their feelings.
So, if you ever feel overwhelmed by the dating advice and expectations you see on social media, remember that you’re not alone.
Amidst the despair and frustration, there’s a community of people who understand, providing a powerful sense of camaraderie and shared experience.
Source: University of Pennsylvania.
