In a new study, researchers examined the effects playing hard to get, a mating strategy that is likely to instill a certain degree of uncertainty.
They discovered that making the chase harder increased a potential mate’s desirability.
They say that playing hard to get makes it seem as if you are more in demand—we call that having higher mate value.
The research was conducted by a team from the University of Rochester and the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya.
Previously, the team had found that when people feel greater certainty that a prospective romantic partner reciprocates their interest, they will put more effort into seeing that person again.
Furthermore, they will even rate the possible date as more sexually attractive than they would if they were less certain about the prospective date’s romantic intentions.
In this study, the team tested the hard-to-get tactic across three interrelated studies.
Participants interacted with what they believed to be another research participant of the opposite sex, but who was, in reality, an insider—a member of the research team.
In each instance, participants rated the extent to which they felt the insider was hard to get, their perceptions of the insider’s mate value (e.g., “I perceive the other participant as a valued mate”), and their desire to engage in various sexual activities with the insider.
The team found that participants who interacted with the more selective online dating profile (thus making the insider harder to attract) perceived the insider as more valued and more desirable as a partner, compared to participants who interacted with less selective insider profiles (pretending to be easier to attract).
Participants induced to expend efforts in the pursuit of the insider perceived the potential partner as more valuable and sexually desirable than did the participants who were not induced to invest such efforts.
Participants expended greater efforts to see the hard-to-get insiders in the future.
The team says we all want to date people with higher mate value. Of course, some are reluctant to employ this scarcity strategy, worrying that it’ll backfire and drive prospective partners away out of fear of being rejected.
The team acknowledges the strategy doesn’t work for everyone, all the time. If playing hard to get makes a person seem disinterested or arrogant, it will backfire.
So, how then do you reconcile these two approaches—playing hard to get on one hand and removing uncertainty on the other?
The team advises showing initial interest in potential partners so as not to alienate them. At the same time, don’t reveal too much about yourself.
Instead, build a connection with a potential partner gradually, thereby creating a sense of anticipation and a desire to learn more about the other person.
Playing hard to get the work as long as potential partners feel that their efforts are likely to be successful—eventually.
One author of the study is Harry Reis, a professor of psychology and Dean’s Professor in Arts, Sciences & Engineering at Rochester.
The study is published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
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